The Godly Woman

here’s something my roommate shared with me.
i’m soooooo glad for her.

The Godly Woman

The lines that spoke to me the most were

"God knows exactly what you need and He even knows the desires of your heart better than you do. God loves surprises."

"No man, no matter how Christ-like could ever take the place of God in our lives, to think such a thing is pure idolatry. If we are not filled by God now and complete in Christ in the present, then not even a marriage made in heaven will be able to change our emptiness."

Today will begin a life-changing journey.

random stuff

friday night i had the reed-chewing dream again. it seemed so real.

last night i dreamt i was asked to sight read everything and anything. and i thought sleep was supposed to give you rest. i was not given any rest - literally, musically and figuratively.

24 is still not too late to embark on a college degree. grandpa lee himself did it. he was delayed by WWII (i didn’t know he worked as a translator for the japs!). and so did many other composers/ musicians, who did a first before going on to their love.

i have to do an abraham and sacrifice the isaac soon. right now obedience is what keeps me going.

the only things i remember from school:

- Doing the Right Thing vs Doing the Thing Right

- Everything is a science unto itself; when you’ve mastered the science part, then it becomes an art.

<fill in title here>

today i discovered something wrong with my embouchure. luckily i discovered the fault in its early stages. so i can still correct it before it blows up into a bad habit.

but it’s soooo tiring to play with the "correct" embouchure. whereas with the "wrong" embouchure i could play much longer without feeling tired. then again some of the notes came more easily with the "correct" embouchure. so i guess i shall have to make a constant effort to stick with this "correct" embouchure.

another thing is now the tone of my notes sound soooo much worse with the "correct" embouchure. i miss the tone coming from the "wrong" embouchure. but i shall strive to correct my "wrong" embouchure. and work on the tone. i need to practise more now. just to correct the mistake. actually i thought last practice that there was something "wrong" with the embouchure and i guess today’s lesson helped to confirm that.

exams are in 8 days’ time. the final exams of my life (or so it seems for now). how monumental. it calls for celebration, so i better sleep more cos when i start work, i’ll not get to sleep whole days anymore. =(((

right now the greatest fear i have is not being to balance bassoon and work. i guess that’s why i’m starting work early (may 12) so that i can push myself to get used to working life and yet still practise everyday. i don’t wanna slack my days away and start work in july and realise that i’ve lost the drive to do anything but sleep.

had considered soooo many places for grad trip. from africa to new york to vietnam to europe to the point where i got fed up of having to think and just wanted to start work asap. heck it.

oh back to music, i discovered a new method of practising that makes everything so much more effective. that is, to record myself. i sounded so shitty at first but after many practice sessions of hearing myself, my intonation, phrasing, dynamics have improved soooo much. listening to recordings have also become a joy (or is it a chore?) cos i can tell intonation, balance and phrasing "bads". it makes me feel fuller as a person, musically. and i praise God for showing me this method of practising. as long as i feel i have a long way to go, i’m happy. cos music does not stop at the quitting of MEP.

also i realise that if i dedicate my practice sessions to Him, i find myself improving much more at the end of a session. and i must always remember, that if anyone comments on my playing (if good lah) then i have to give the glory to Him, no matter how shitty i think it sounds. i shouldn’t say "no lah it’s not good" but "to God be the glory for good music". it’s hard to remember to give Him the glory as a musician cos one’s pride tends to get in the way. but if they’re bad comments, i guess i still have stuff to work on then. =) we all have our own paths to walk on.

speaking of paths, my friend fbooked me a note of his friend’s. i’ll put in my blog here an excerpt:

"They decided to take a risk and go for something even if it meant falling flat on their face and looking like a complete and utter fool. You have to take that risk.

You have to run YOUR race. No one else can run it for you. Only you can run it because it’s custom made for you. It was designed with you in mind. Often times we look at our friends as they run their race wishing we could be where they are. Jealous, even, of where they are. Coveting to be in the place where they are and planning ways to sabotage them so that we may take their place…of where they are.

Your life may suck right now. I understand that. I have many moments in my life where "This Sucks!" was an understatement. But I had to trust that God had my life in His hands and I had to trust that I was here for a reason. You, are here for a reason! The simple fact that you are alive right now reading this is all the evidence you should need to know that you are here on purpose."

that’s life

everyone around me’s like going through life-changing experiences. i don’t want to sound ominous or what but it’s as if i’m being prepared for my very own. what with.. J’s breakup, G’s dad and Z’s mom passings away… it makes you wonder if this fleeting life is worth dwelling on the grief of heartaches compared to the grief of loss. certainly causes one to be less emo. why emo when you can seize life? make the most of it! grab youth. do something. stop sleeping in bed for so long. be more disciplined. make a difference. dare to do stuff. go ahead. don’t doubt. of course nothing rash lah. do it in accordance with God’s will for you. He wants you to take a certain path. Do you have the courage to say "Yes Lord" I’ll do a Noah and build my ark even with people laughing at me? hmm.. taking a plane to L.A. to find W is not something i’d consider rash though. haha kidding that can’t be my ark … right? =P. ok i’ve gtg for class now. and i’m going to take some time to look at my life and reflect. someone hand me a mirror.

travel dreams. again.

another two more travel dreams!!!

friday night - i think it is so cool how in dreams you can just find yourself in two places in the split of a second. my mom and i were walking down this plaza - it was huge and spacious - i think we were in Italy but was not quite sure. Then my mom happened to bump into her secondary school friend, who is a teacher, and in the dream was bringing some sports students around. The two were obviously very happy to meet, and then he asked us for directions to the nearest duck restaurant. And then we were transported back to Singapore again.

So after having dinner and lots of chatting, the students were still not full yet. But it was very late, and there were not many supper places around that were open. I went out looking for one. And halfway walking, I was transported to Italy. and instead of looking for supper i was looking for an internet cafe. and i found one went in, and of all ppl saw ZZ from church in there. i decided to surprise him by logging onto another computer, msning him to look behind, and i stood behind him and he got a shock that someone he knew would be just as far away from home too. and then i woke up - mind still being in italy.

i think i know what explains me finding ZZ at the cafe. whenever i wake up and check my msn i’ll get this weird link from his msn msg. cos his computer had been infected with a virus. i didn’t know that it would eventually have worked its way into a dream of mine!!! so weird.

TODAY
last night’s dream had to be the best of all. i went with two friends of mine from Singapore on an impromptu trip to california. i was just going to try my luck and see if i can find W there. somehow, after searching for a day and a half we made a new friend and found the place in the evening! i was nervous knocking on the door, but they were sooooo nice upon our meeting them! i saw P and W but not T. and we were just talking, and yes i felt like an extreme stalker during the whole period. however, we couldn’t stay long as they were busy and upon saying goodbye P knew abt my crush and gave me very encouraging words. and then W came over and we kissed. wah i just fainted. and then we left the apartment, exploring california for abt a day more, all the way feeling very high. and only when i was in the plane on the way back to sg that i realised i did not meet T at all, even though i went all the way to see them. haha.

and that was just the gist of it. i haven’t even bothered to describe in detail the sights i saw, what the house looked like, the surrounding neighbourhood whether W was shirtless (^.<) etc. but i know it was all prob not what the real cal looks like. cos it looked to me like a mixture of japan and singapore. i guessed my eyes haven’t been opened wide enough yet.

argh don’t you just hate waking up sometimes???

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dream travel log:

twice to new york
once to california
once to dubai
once to iraq
once to swizerland    
once to italy
thrice to Japan

it’s TTOTY again!!!

i’m sure many of you have heard of TTOTM, it’s basically when girls go beserk cos of hormonal imbalance… but have you heard of TTOTY???

bascially there are many TTOTYs… but this particular TTOTY is when all the pre-college students start hunting around for the suitable course to waste the next four years of their life..

and because i’m so open about it in my blog, being a maritime studies major, basically kids who have blog-googled "maritime studies" have come straight to my blog. and because i’m so open about my email address, i’ve had at least three Year Zeros emailing me and one even adding me on msn. oh well…

welcome to my blog, potential maritime students. not that i can advise you very much on entry requirements, being an almost-graduate myself (yes it’s too outdated info for me) i can tell you what to expect on this course and the attitude you have to bring in. do go ahead and add me or email me. just do try to join the Maritime Studies facebook group too? so we can provide a wider perspective in trying to answer your questions. =))) have fun.

a hope for us!

wow! this is a first! i was so totally not expecting it…

 —–

i’m sure many have heard about the triple-room sharing in ntu hostels. it was an idea brought up by the school authorities. and it didn’t come across as a very good idea among the student body. naturlich.

and many groups protested against it. apparently the SU, which is the supposed "official" student voice, did not really play a part in the protest and it was left to hall committees and student leaders of clubs. and guess what? they’re really not gonna implement it anymore!!

wow. this is the first time i actually experience first-hand, authorities listening to the student body and letting us have a say. doesn’t really happen much in this country anyway. looks like when singaporeans are passionate about something that would affect them dearly, they would go all out. perhaps this is our future? it’s always abt finding that common ground, and not plainly saying, "let’s just grind and bear it." i wonder how long we can grind and bear stuff for…

anyway, triple-room doesn’t affect me since i’m graduating. nevertheless i still wore a black t-shirt today. come on, black is such a .. common/neutral colour. my roommate unknowingly wore black today too. when i asked her if it was because of the hall thing, she totally didn’t realise she was wearing black.

i think if i have to share the room with another roommate, it’s not a problem for me. the problem, rather, would be for them having to live with someone like me. (^.^)

heart vs mind; passion vs reason

it’s 4 plus and i can’t sleep. my mind is thinkg too much.. racing too fast.. and the beats just keep getting quicker, and the clock ticks faster. as time races down to this wed. three rehearsals. same day. same time.

A commented that i don’t have my priorities right. i believe i do. it’s just a matter of heart vs mind; passion vs reason.

my minds says i should rank these in the order of importance
nie band, ntu band and then nusso.  and even if i go for nie band and miss ntu band, to A the reason is still valid. cos of the sunday concert. but i know my heart

and passion says otherwise. the rank is then nusso, ntusb, niesb. my chance to play orch music and i pass on on it? something i’ve waited so long for. 4 years? and over the next week i can’t go for bhso on sunday cos of the concert. and last sunday was horrid. cos i was so tired after nie’s prac. band and orch embrouchure so do not go together! well they should. but i’m not strong enough to keep it there. and i’d be too soft anyway. it was SOOOOO LOOOUUUUUDDDD in the morning and i couldn’t make a soft note in the afternoon. it was horrid. simply horrid.

this week all the tertiary music groups are stopping.  

this sun is also the last concert i’ll do with niesb. not that they owe me anything or do i owe them but i just thought i could devote friday evenings to practise. since i’m living 4 minutes away. but this time round i cannot take the conducting, nor the intonation. i thought things might get better with time. but some things don’t. maybe in the long term though.. we’ll see.. 

mayb i won’t go for orch if lsl doesn’t turn up on wed. ohhhh i don’t know. for now i’ll push it aside and decide when the dreaded evening approaches. how can something so happy to me turn out so sad.        

let’s see i have an 0830 class tmr and i’m still here typing. it’s ridiculous. clearly heart over mind now. goodnight. 

forgiveness

i’m human and i know how humans think. it might seem like they’ve forgiven you totally but most of the time it’s not. there’s still a little bit of resentment in the human heart. but it’s not them who will look at you and judge you in the end. it’s Jesus. and Jesus has forgiven you totally. unconditionally He loves you. repent and draw close to Him!

another travel dream!!!

You know what they say… Things Happen In Dreams

Here’s what i say:     Dreams Make Things Happen =))) 

today’s travel dream was suuuuuuuuuper real. 

it was to Japan. again! it’s at least the third time i’m going Japan (in my dreams i mean).

the last time i dreamt  abt Japan, it was two days in a row… it sort of continued the next night! amazing right? this happened abt 2 weeks ago. so it’s not exactly like right after the Japan trip.

although the nights right after the Japan trip i did dream of Japan. but that one’s not counted, cos it could very well be a psychological thing.

in Japan today I arrived in the evening. i spent quite a bit of time in the plane, just travelling there. and when i reached, i faced a lot of escalators! i didn’t know why. so i kept going down and down, and when i got out of the airport, i kinda just wandered around by myself a bit. looking at stuff … and then when i was about to find a place to go to… i realised that i didn’t have a place to go! so i had to think of where i can go. (oh gosh that sounds so bimbotic…)

i spent A LOT OF TIME just looking for a subway map. you know the complex looking one with crisscrossing of trains…. so i was going to kind of give up cos it really was getting late. and then i realised i forgot to collect my luggage bag!! no wonder my hands felt so empty… so i had to rush up the escalators and go to the left-behind baggage counter. on the way i decided i could call ppl i know there. dan and joy told me it was too late and they can’t come and pick me up, cos i was rather far away. 

Louis and Chris offered to pick me up though. but i felt bad for troubling them, and they gave me directions for train services, but my clocked said 00:00 and i knew the train services was almost all going to stop by then. so i decided to collect my luggage and look for a hotel nearby, and at the back of my head i knew the hotels around the area were pretty expensive. so i was very stressed.

and then i woke up.

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and this is not my only travelling dream!! >.<
let’s do a tabulation.. so far i’ve been

twice to new york
once to dubai (i took a train there all the way from singapore!!!)
once to iraq
once to swizerland     and
thrice to Japan

and these are only the dreams that i actually remember.
and everytime these travelling dreams happen, i literally sleep in…..

the new york one was quite funny.. i remember… cos i woke up like 5-6 times during the dream and went back and continued where i stopped off…cos i REFUSED to come back to singapore.
haha.