=D

today i was floating!!!

i love the feeling. i want to play next to good players more!!

thankful for the opportunity.

*disgusted look*

OH MY GOSH

today i met a chikkopeh!!!!!!!

ok i went into this cab that i called right… and then i just sat in front. for various reasons.. one of which is the aircon is stronger in the front. and then we started talking. he asked if i had siblings, i found out that he had 3 children. that’s like ok normal talk right? then he said sth abt his children being accidents because he and his wife didn’t want to have kids, but they were in genting, and very relaxed and then they came. so anyway i found it weird that he wanted to tell me that.

and then he was saying sth abt how next time if i wanted to have kids must be very relaxed etc…

he also happened to ask if i know how to drive, and i said no, i want to learn but don’t have the finances for it. and then he offered to teach me in the future. so i said yah i’ll consider, actually i don’t want to lah but have to try to be nice right

so anw he dropped me at my destination. and i was looking for the money to pay him. and you know how it is when you open the door the light comes on? so yah as i was closing the door, i have to face it right? to push the door closed… and cos there was light, i saw THAT HIS COCK WAS HANGING OUT LAH. HOW GROSS IS THAT……………..

shit that was damn scary.

now i know why he kept on wanting to teach me in the future etc and why he kept turning to me and giving me that toothy grin. i thought he was just being overly friendly.

REMIND NOT TO SIT IN FRONT NEXT TIME. especially at night. YUCKS. damn gross damn gross.

luckily i didn’t get a good look at it. it was just a glimpse and immediately i wanted to run as far away as i can from him. when i got to the destination floor of the block i was at, i looked down and saw that he was still there. waiting. i guess he was trying to jerk it off before he leaves the area. YUCKS.

T commented that’s why his children were accidental. and probably his wife was accidental too. cos of the first accidental kid. 

ok i’ve ranted enough. no, wait, i should have told him that it was damn small and puny and he sucks. i have a receipt, which i will call COMFORT and tell them on monday (customer service only opens during office hours) about him. ok really enough of ranting.

and my friend’s colleague told her once that all guys watch porn. someone pls tell me this is not true. oh well.

i want to fly

ooooh today at D’s house was fun. i’m going to get my own reed making set and start sooooooon.

there’s a wild spirit that needs to be tamed or let out.

i feel as if i’m in a cage. the cage is pretty nice, but i need to get out still.

i can’t wait to leave Singapore. the longer i stay here the more i HATE this place. 23 years of moving in circles is enough. there’s nothing nice nothing new nothing to see. i don’t understand why all these people can come in here and say hmm the city is really nice yah the place has 3 bedrooms a pool and is only 10 minutes walk from the office.

while it used to take me 6 minutes to get to class. now it’s 18 times as long. go figure.

the cage is too small. my only escape is imagination.

oh btw dream travel tally:

U.S. (4 times) - 2xNewYork, 1xCalifonia and 2xUnidentifiedState; Dubai (1); Iraq (1); Switzerland (1); Italy (1); Japan (4) ——- total 12 times i’ve been out of the country in my dreams. i don’t need a passport anymore.

so tired

it takes a good rehearsal to make my week and a bad performance to just break it.

i’m not going to give up ok.

tmr i’m going to have my eyes checked. i was literally closing my eyes on stage cos i couldn’t take the glare. the words on my phone are starting to look blurry to me and i can’t see bus numbers very well.

good night world.

awesome speech

facebook is awesome. i got this off it. just gonna cut and paste wholesale =D thx to alexis for sharing it and for the feed for showing it to the whole world.

“Life and how to survive it” by Adrian Tan

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable. Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning. You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate. Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows. What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free. The most important is this: do not work. Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust. There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense. Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway. Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself. I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher. Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence. In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror. I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth.

I now say this to you: be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable. Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul. Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone. You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.

where are my wings?

ok i only have 300 to last me till the next payday. >.< somehow i feel i’m living more poorly working than when i was studying. no cut that out. i feel even worse. i’m actually experiencing two different kinds of standards. one’s when i go out to eat with the co. - for eg “way-beyond-my-pay food” and at the other extreme, instant noodles at home.

i’ve yet to get over the you’re-a-working-adult-now-so-please-settle-your-own-expenses. i still want my intermittent cab rides but it seems like i’ve got to cut down on this aspect. it’s just that i value my time sooooo much more than the money i’m paying for taking a 2-hr long bus ride. i want to do so many things!!! i can’t help it that i’m just multi talented. haha ok kidding. i’m actually very humble *GRINS*

already i don’t spend on clothes… and now i have this bsn loan to think abt… I DON’T WANT TO GROW UP! adult things should be left to adult ppl.

it’s not an easy transition i guess. i feel like i’m a caterpillar who’s barely just done with the process of metamorphosis and i’m just putting two legs out of my cocoon. i want to fly but i don’t know what’s outside.

work’s been a rollercoaster so far. sometimes i feel that it’s fun! i’m learning stuff, i’m actually getting a feel of what’s going on. i take note of more calculations and the aspects of it. i love the people there. i love the multicultural aspect of it. i love the office tables.

on the other hand i’m being kept away from anything else from 7am - 6pm FIVE DAYS a week! it’s something i’m totally not and still having trouble getting used to. and it’s work work work the whole day. there are sooooooooo many emails to handle. there’s no break. you have to learn to give yourself a break now and then. i realise that while the culture is laidback, i.e. you can leave as long as you finish your work. the thing is, there’s just so much work to be done. a classic catch 22 indeed.

another catch-22 is that of my current pay. these ppl can all afford to go out and have dinner/drink after work, whereas i’m still damn poor. but this might be a misconception: that in order for me to so-called riseupintheranks i should go out with them after work. but then again, i’ll surely go broke and i also treasure my after-work time a lot. i want to do other things still. but if i don’t spend time with them after work does that mean i’m not a good employee? sigh i hate thinking abt such things. i just want to be that girl with an ice-cream in her hand, sitting on the swing.

T ever asked before about the word “colleagues” - do you spend so much time with them everyday that you become good friends or do you spend so much time with them everyday that you just can’t bear to see them after work? i hope it’s the former indeed. in any case i simply feel that my current pay level does not justify my having to stay up beyond the unofficial office hours. i think i’ll stick to that. i have to draw a line somewhere. it’s a little disillusioning to see that sometimes what these ppl spend on, just a tiny fraction of it can help me a long way, but i still have to think abt getting a loan. *cries*

it’s all a cycle. spend more time with the co. get more money. use the money to spend with the co. on the co., as well as spend more time with the co. get more money. use the money to spend  with co., as well as spend more time with the co. it’s as good as going to work to earn money to buy dresses to wear to work so that you can earn money to buy dresses to wear to work. i think i’ve said this a million times in my posts already.

also, as a trainee, i feel like i’m not getting the training that i want. i guess i’m too used to being spoonfed (hey i’m Singaporean forgive me lah). i find that now more often than not, i have to look for my own work. i guess that is how it is, but i really don’t know how trainees should work, cos i have no one to model after, nor any peer to benchmark with. in that way i am a pioneer.

and i stil hate it that these people i.e. the colleagues are from elsewhere. no i don’t hate them. i hate myself for not travelling far enough. i’ve been stuck in this bloody country for 23 years. i want out. it’s been my dream since i saw a distance relative of mine at the airport leave to study overseas. i must have been abt 10 years old then. i’m looking forward to the 3-month training at the end of the year. it’s damn short lah but i guess i shouldn’t complain. i don’t even know if i’ll be going. not till i’m actually on the plane myself before i can believe it. i hate to count my chickens before they hatch. it just gives false hope and joy.

i realise the whole post above is abt satisfactions. i need to draw closer to Him to realise that my satisfactions have already been realised.

and as for the loan, so far EVERY single person who’s heard abt it says “No! Don’t do it!” What louder convictions from God can I get than that! Not even one positive response. Yet i’m still seated on the fence at the edge of the cliff, separating the mountain from the distant sea below, about to make my jump.

pleasant birthday weekend

the taiwan trip was tiring, with sightseeing and performances jammed-packed into two days. but my second night’s performance was awesome. started out with me finding my good reed. *PHEW* i had thought that the good reed was a bad one all along and didn’t touch it at all. irritating. but some sections didn’t the second night was good. oh well.

thailand was AWESOME. fantabuous. *muahz*-perfect! i had a gooooooooood time. awesome rooms. awesome view. first time doing facial and full-body massage. i’m not a massage person - very ticklish! but head and neck massage was very very good. i never felt so calm and relaxed before. and will thinking abt really random things when i was calm. very very nice.

it was sooooo nice. still reeling from the effects of it now but it’s back to reality in singapore. no more laid-back thai lifestyle or cute thai guys to look at. back to work. and back to dealing with stuff like this: (cut-and-past-ed-from-an-msn-convo)