finally a post in a long long time

ahhh finally a post worthy enough to fit into my ever-so-busy schedule.

today’s concert was bittersweet! it’s the first in a long long time since i felt this way, that is, unsure and nervous and super insecure. we played Appalachian Spring - which was originally composed to have nothing to do with the Appalachian imagery or Spring for that matter.

anyway, we played the original version, i.e. scored for 13 instruments. so literally everyone was a soloist. and every part was just as important, to bring out the colour of the piece…

mind you, it is not an easy piece, and that could again, be an excuse in itself. i could have given twenty thousand other excuses - it was a bad reed day…i’m still changing my embouchure… i’m also trying out new fingerings… but no matter what, a performance is still a performance, and an excuse still an excuse. just like what was preached last sunday; no matter a bad excuse or a good excuse, an excuse is still an excuse. so basically performances should be flawless and there should be no excuses. if you don’t get it right, it means that you didn’t practise it enough.

but yeah mistakes are made nonetheless. and there’s no point crying over spilled milk. just don’t spill the milk next time. if there’s a next time.

but this concert is really different, the last time i felt so insecure was the wmc competition, where i really couldn’t play a single note on my instrument. this time round, it’s the nature of the piece. it’s moved me away from my comfort zone of bom-chat-chat band pieces, and super harmonic orchestral pieces, to a more disjunct style of blending in. the colours created are just too bright…

but it’s a really nice piece. and i must say that, in the many times i’ve heard it on my mp3 player and during rehearsals, each time i hear something new, something different. which is realy cool. and it’s this playing with my hearing that causes me to sometimes lose focus, esp during rehearsals when i don’t come in cos i’m listening too much, and not paying attention to my score. and then i hear a somewhat empty-sounding portion, and think to myself, “isn’t someone supposed to come in here???” and then i realise “oh shit it’s me!”… yeah bimbo moment…

concert went ok, it wasn’t perfect.. i’d give myself a just passed. but the thing i really have to blog abt is that at the parts where i usually screw up, i didn’t. and the parts where i usually don’t, i did. call it as R says, Murphy’s law, but i choose to think otherwise. I knew where the parts were that i usually screwed up, and as i approached, i prayed as i played. literally. telling God to put me through this passage, put me through this passage, and everything indeed went smoothly. it felt as if i were riding on the wings of an eagle… however, the parts where i felt the most confident, i just totally *whammed* it. i even forgot a fingering for an impt note!!! *slaps myself*. this evening really helped to increase my faith. it was pretty surreal, cos i was having even the slightest doubt as i approached the passages where i usually screw up, but just before i play it, i’m like, ok God, i’m just depending on you. only on you all for you, and it flows past like a stream of water. but the moment i had a little self-pride like “oh i hope so-and-so is impressed by my playing” *WHAM* someone throws a rock into that stream of water…and i just tumble..

nonetheless i had fun learning this piece… and also it was a pleasure to be under Dr. Joyce Koh she has such a bubbly and sweet personality. oh well im sure going to miss playing this piece. 4 practices are surely not enough, but again that’s another excuse i shouldn’t be making. if i didn’t make it, it means i’m lousy and lazy, and oh well get over it. there’s no way to go but up.