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04-9-08today i discovered something wrong with my embouchure. luckily i discovered the fault in its early stages. so i can still correct it before it blows up into a bad habit.
but it’s soooo tiring to play with the "correct" embouchure. whereas with the "wrong" embouchure i could play much longer without feeling tired. then again some of the notes came more easily with the "correct" embouchure. so i guess i shall have to make a constant effort to stick with this "correct" embouchure.
another thing is now the tone of my notes sound soooo much worse with the "correct" embouchure. i miss the tone coming from the "wrong" embouchure. but i shall strive to correct my "wrong" embouchure. and work on the tone. i need to practise more now. just to correct the mistake. actually i thought last practice that there was something "wrong" with the embouchure and i guess today’s lesson helped to confirm that.
exams are in 8 days’ time. the final exams of my life (or so it seems for now). how monumental. it calls for celebration, so i better sleep more cos when i start work, i’ll not get to sleep whole days anymore. =(((
right now the greatest fear i have is not being to balance bassoon and work. i guess that’s why i’m starting work early (may 12) so that i can push myself to get used to working life and yet still practise everyday. i don’t wanna slack my days away and start work in july and realise that i’ve lost the drive to do anything but sleep.
had considered soooo many places for grad trip. from africa to new york to vietnam to europe to the point where i got fed up of having to think and just wanted to start work asap. heck it.
oh back to music, i discovered a new method of practising that makes everything so much more effective. that is, to record myself. i sounded so shitty at first but after many practice sessions of hearing myself, my intonation, phrasing, dynamics have improved soooo much. listening to recordings have also become a joy (or is it a chore?) cos i can tell intonation, balance and phrasing "bads". it makes me feel fuller as a person, musically. and i praise God for showing me this method of practising. as long as i feel i have a long way to go, i’m happy. cos music does not stop at the quitting of MEP.
also i realise that if i dedicate my practice sessions to Him, i find myself improving much more at the end of a session. and i must always remember, that if anyone comments on my playing (if good lah) then i have to give the glory to Him, no matter how shitty i think it sounds. i shouldn’t say "no lah it’s not good" but "to God be the glory for good music". it’s hard to remember to give Him the glory as a musician cos one’s pride tends to get in the way. but if they’re bad comments, i guess i still have stuff to work on then. =) we all have our own paths to walk on.
speaking of paths, my friend fbooked me a note of his friend’s. i’ll put in my blog here an excerpt:
"They decided to take a risk and go for something even if it meant falling flat on their face and looking like a complete and utter fool. You have to take that risk.
You have to run YOUR race. No one else can run it for you. Only you can run it because it’s custom made for you. It was designed with you in mind. Often times we look at our friends as they run their race wishing we could be where they are. Jealous, even, of where they are. Coveting to be in the place where they are and planning ways to sabotage them so that we may take their place…of where they are.
The power to change the world, to change the world around you, and to change your world is impossible to posses if you’re trying to live someone else’s life.
It’s impossible to posses even if you’re not trying to live someone else’s life but not trying to live your own life. The greatest impact on the world you can make can only come from walking your path. You hear so many people say that they want to be original; they don’t want to follow the crowd. This is what it really means to be original. Following your life map with its schedule, trials, victories and all…on God’s timing.
Our biggest hurdle is pride! Because it never remains stationary. It’s always moving or fluctuating. If we could replace our pride with humility, we could focus our energies on the other challenging hurdles life sets before us. But instead we let our eyes fixate on Sally who has the great leg extensions and perfect turnout, or Kevin who can act, sing, and dance, or Philip who gets all the cool parts because he’s the director’s son. C’mon people, give me a break!! Do you think these people aren’t thinking the same thing you are? To some degree they have the same insecurities you do. We all do! You can’t go through your life wishing you were somebody else. You’ve got to live out yours and live it to the fullest, embracing every moment of the process, and grabbing as much of it as you can.
Your life may suck right now. I understand that. I have many moments in my life where "This Sucks!" was an understatement. But I had to trust that God had my life in His hands and I had to trust that I was here for a reason. You, are here for a reason! The simple fact that you are alive right now reading this is all the evidence you should need to know that you are here on purpose."
