heart vs mind; passion vs reason
03-18-08it’s 4 plus and i can’t sleep. my mind is thinkg too much.. racing too fast.. and the beats just keep getting quicker, and the clock ticks faster. as time races down to this wed. three rehearsals. same day. same time.
A commented that i don’t have my priorities right. i believe i do. it’s just a matter of heart vs mind; passion vs reason.
my minds says i should rank these in the order of importance
nie band, ntu band and then nusso. and even if i go for nie band and miss ntu band, to A the reason is still valid. cos of the sunday concert. but i know my heart
and passion says otherwise. the rank is then nusso, ntusb, niesb. my chance to play orch music and i pass on on it? something i’ve waited so long for. 4 years? and over the next week i can’t go for bhso on sunday cos of the concert. and last sunday was horrid. cos i was so tired after nie’s prac. band and orch embrouchure so do not go together! well they should. but i’m not strong enough to keep it there. and i’d be too soft anyway. it was SOOOOO LOOOUUUUUDDDD in the morning and i couldn’t make a soft note in the afternoon. it was horrid. simply horrid.
this week all the tertiary music groups are stopping.
this sun is also the last concert i’ll do with niesb. not that they owe me anything or do i owe them but i just thought i could devote friday evenings to practise. since i’m living 4 minutes away. but this time round i cannot take the conducting, nor the intonation. i thought things might get better with time. but some things don’t. maybe in the long term though.. we’ll see..
mayb i won’t go for orch if lsl doesn’t turn up on wed. ohhhh i don’t know. for now i’ll push it aside and decide when the dreaded evening approaches. how can something so happy to me turn out so sad.
let’s see i have an 0830 class tmr and i’m still here typing. it’s ridiculous. clearly heart over mind now. goodnight.
