mundane

everyday is the same.
wake up. brush teeth. shower. go to school. come back. facebook a while. listen to music. study. try to practise. eat lunch. eat dinner. go to bed.

weekly, it's the same thing again.
do laundry, go and teach,  prepare for tests, etc

i'm starting to find many things a chore. like showering. like eating. like sleeping. what's the point of God making us this way? such that we need sustenance. we need to eat. we need to sleep. we need to shower.  there's so many things that i could be doing with my time. but i'm eating for the sake of eating. showering, sleeping cos i have to. 

i've found myself eating less, not because i cannot eat any more. but just cos i no longer have any cravings. and i think it's a waste of time. i just need to fill my stomach. 

could it be because i have too many things to do? could it be that i've lost the appreciation of quality of life?

perhaps i'm in dire need of change. and it's not those kind of ups and downs like an upcoming test or what… those are getting a little boring too.

all that's keeping me going is bible verses and the hope to a promise. 

just another post.

oh my goodness! i just finished an anime 2 days straight!! i know.. it's crazy but i was really hooked! this is the second anime i've ever watched in my life. the first being hale nochi guu and i didn't even follow that through. but…. NODAME CANTABILE is sooooooooooooooooooooo nice!!!!! yipppee~

i really want to go buy the series. it's very very inspiring and the pieces are awesome!!! can i recommend all the music friends of mine to go watch it? please please please please please. haha.

anyway thursday just saw the end of an essay. PHEW. It was a crazy one. I never thought i'd put so much effort into something which I am not even given credits for. But i begged to be in the class despite not being able to get the Academic Units. I guess if you do something out of interest, you give it more effort. Rather than having to do something for the grades, your focus on the essay will start to change. =.="""

But now i have an Final Year Project to look at. and i've decided that i'm gonna channel the passion for my music essay into it. And i'll treat the FYP as something that W, C and I are going to publish in a journal or something. this means 120% effort!!!　ぎゃぼ！！！

there's so many things in life i have an interest in! like history, music and shipping (i guess). if only i could study history… the essay inspired me to go delve deep again into the roots of the world. and i am transformed back to 1615 when Martin Luther started the Protestant Reformation and how the Lutheran Mass was adapted from the Catholic. And i'm insipired to study music too…  what with me and my perfect pitch too… *sigh* i believe i'm not pushed hard enough yet. 

and pushing the wrong way can cause me to lose my interest. failing me for two full years when i got an A1 in the end and your best students got B3 was not the way to go. history is subjective and not everyone has to write in your style. i lost my interest then.

scolding and using brute tactics to get your students to do something causes their love for something to wane. looking in retrospect, the students who dropped out are the ones pursuing music full-time and the ones who remained are not save one.

but here i am. in a course that will guarantee something i have longed to do for the longest time - travel. and yet while studying i get the best of all the worlds. i get to play my instrument still. and attend music classes.

and in the class on thursday we dissected CPE Bach's Symphony. And it got me pretty sad too. cos we made him seem so predictable. perhaps that's why i don't want to study music too? cos i love baroque, and when one breaks down the piece into its elements, like the theme, how it modulates, the key's relation to the original blah blah blah it becomes dead. the piece has no more life to it. and when you listen to it you are no longer enthralled. you just listen out very very academically how the piece is written. and that's sad.

it's akin to seeing a beautiful person and wanting to know how come the person is so beautiful, you decide to take her apart. and so you separate the heart from the arm from the eye. and then you realise, actually there's nothing that makes her so different. but when you put the whole person back together again, you realise she's dead. and that there's no more character and life in her.

what a way to think huh. 

musings

and suddenly i've been given so much time. and i am at a loss of what to do. i have so much to start on. but i have to overcome one thing first - inertia. then again, it may be the much needed rest from the horrors and battle of last night.

i (sometimes) dislike it when things don't according to plan. especially if they are things i look forward to doing. i guess if it's something i don't look forward to then i'm happy if it doesn't go according to plan.

i feel as if i'm deterioriating. i need to start an exercise regime once again. and i'll start by going for one of my infamous "pyschotic long walks" (inside joke) right after i blog this entry.

i'm tempted to head down to town, but town is where it's at. where it's crowded and i have to pass by a whole huge crowd at jp before i head to town where there is more crowd. i want to practise but i don't know when she's coming back. i guess i could head to the music rooms. i have logistics to do but ….. but.

have you ever had the feeling where you stand at the platform and thought what it would be like to just jump off as the train approaches? it's definitely a "once-in-a-lifetime" experience. like jumping off a 20-storey building, or off a bridge onto the highway below. but a stupid way of putting "once-in-a-lifetime" yah? *shudder* cos after that you have no more life.

it is nice to have the environment around you quiet. yet you long for companionship. someone to share that quietness with you.

today we took a walk with God. mine wasn't the same as C and X's experiences. i poured out my fears, concerns and worries to Him. and He knows.

Tagxe

HOLA fellow S'poreans…

i'm here to promote a service I just discovered!

YES! It's a taxi-sharing service…

I happened to stumble upon it while on facebook. So i decided to sign up for it.

So I'm just gonna spread a little cab love ♥♥ ♥ around and require YOU to go to http://www.tagxe.com and sign up for it too!!  Don't forget to quote me, "emerald" as your Referal-er (or whaddeva you call it)…

think about it - you get to your destination faster, you're guaranteed a seat, and it's cheaper than taking one whole cab by yourself… yes i know the name looks a bit odd.. but… a rose by any other name will smell as sweet… yah?? =PP

And especially those who go to the east from NTU/West on Sunday mornings…. I'm gonna love you guys! 

distracted

an example of how much i can deviate from my fyp

and so halfway i went down to get brunch, and there was my fav vege in store - lady's finger. and so i was curious to know about what's it called in mandarin. my roomie doesn't know cos apparently they don't have this in hongkong. 

then i went on wikipedia and found out that another name for it is okra… and i couldn't read the chinese version so i gave up, and the scientific name for it is Abelmoschus esculentus.

and yes blogging abt sth so trivial does constitute distraction as well. 

ok better get back to fyp.