update!

it’s been a while since i posted here. cos facebook is becoming so convenient to do so… especially with the notes section. it’s also a faster way of communicating with quintet members. really easy. especially with notifications that work.

had quintet tryout at my place yesterday!!!of all places.

quite shocked that my room can fit a quintet… but i think everyone was controlling their volume to fit in with the acoustics of the small room. but no complaints. that’s the best. i love my neighbours.

a pity that i’ll be leaving for overseas soon. looking forward to playing more quintet… getting a better recording device… and oh! after practice yesterday i did huge room makeover and shifted the bed against the window, and the table next to the piano. the cupboard can’t open as well, but we’ll survive i guess. =P

so now there’s like more space for quintet or just self-practicing i suppose. really nice, and the table’s also next to the piano. so it’s good. can conduct theory lessons in the future i suppose.

i’ve always wanted the bed next to the window. really glad about it.

i’ve been thinking… life’s short, and somehow i always had this feeling abt me that i’m probably never getting married and that i’ll probably die young with some sort of cancer before i’m 35… so might as well not take things too seriously! 

looking forward to the various gift exchanges this coming christmas. i always like the joy of opening a wrapped present, no matter good or bad. it’s the surprise element that makes me happy. maybe the northeast wind quintet should also have a gift exchange? hmmm….

THANKYEWWWWWWWWWWW

DESIREE!!!!!
GRACE!!!! 

thanks so much for the birthday gift!! I’m sorry I didn’t thank you much much earlier. cos I had the intention… I repeat, intention…. of writing back by snail-mail a thank-you card… just cos I received the gift through snail-mail. 

I got a really huge surprise when I saw that the mail was not bills or NTU alumni letters, and I got an even bigger surprise when the envelope contained a card, with the gift. THANKS SO MUCH!!! =DDD

Plus, just a few weeks earlier, I had been emptying out my room, and found super a lot of those written notes secondary school girls used to write to each other, and I was reminiscing on it, and wondering that it’d be nice to do it again. Cos these things are hardware and they last forever, not like these facebook and sms thingys we have now. So much more impersonal…

But yes, being the procrastinator me, I never got down to sending you those Thank You cards, and instead am thanking you through here, the very thing I wanted to avoid. Nonetheless, I really really appreciate it. It was a really nice surprise. Who knows, you might find something in the mail………………….……………………..……………………..…….. someday.

Anyway, this Sat my church is organising a talk on relationships. someone from my cell group is speaking, and he did provide some insights into what he was going to say on Sat and I thought it was good. Are you keen to come? Since Desiree DID make us go for one similar talk before anyway… lol if you two say yes then I’ll go too… if not then I’ll go for practice…. =P

Love,
Em

[edit] only after I wrote this did I realise Grace is NOT ON FACEBOOK!!! grrrr….. GRACE! get facebook so I can tag you in my note! lol…

grrrrrrrr

i’ve exceeded the number of notes i can post on facebook apparently! and now i’m blocked from doing so…. what!!!!!

okay… just wanted to post that ………………..ARGH ………. i’m so jealous when my colleagues call up their wives/gfriends on the phone and their voice tone TOTALLY changes.

i want to be on that receiving end too…..

boooo ……… i think it’s emo time for me again….  bloody time of the month…..  

craving for flowers a nice dinner and sunset.

looks like tonight i’m not going to practice again. (going for dinner with colleagues and my longlostfriend) and that (the not practising part) makes me even more emo. upset. maybe i should take leave and practise! 

to see the sunset (copied and pasted from facebook notes)

last night i went to bed at 10pm with the intention of sleeping A LOT. 

turned out i woke up at 3.30am (automatically) and yes have been up since then. with no dinner, cos i went for practice right after work. so happy =))) i missed my bassoon so so so so much! need to do individual practice some more. 

so yes i’ve been up for a total of 20 hours. and i’m tired. 

but before i knock back to bed. what i really really really want to experience now is a nice beautiful dinner where i can watch sunset. i’ve never seen that for the longest time. it’s either because i’m

(1) at practice, so when i enter the room and exit it has already changed from day to night - but i’m not complaining cos i’m with my bassoon 
or
(2) when i’m exiting from the mrt train station (after being underground for like 20,000 stops) day has already turned black.

it really sucks. i don’t think i’ve ever sat down to see a sunset. not in a long long time. probably want to take a day off one of these days to go to mount faber or sentosa or something somewhere really high have a nice dinner and just watch the sky turn dark. that’d be nice.

even better if i’m not alone. that’d be nicer.
even better if it’s with a guy. ha.

my colleague’s wife just gave birth, and the baby daughter looks like him! lol. and the mommy’s getting pretty pretty pretty diamond earrings!!!! how nice. they’re really sparkly and all.. awww…. *face turns green*

and then at work we kinda went on to the topic abt breast milk, and onto the Friends episode where Ross was coerced into trying. haha… i for one am super game to try it! lol why not???…. guess i have to wait a while. =P

one of my long-lost TKGS friends has messaged me on facebook asking to meet up. Althea! but she hasn’t replied my reply and neither is she picking up her phone. can’t wait to meet up with her!!! XIN!!! 

alright time for bed and wistful dreams… nitez!

p.s. and oh! did i mention? Wes from wongfu productions is still so so so so so so so darn cute!!! and i know one other person who looks like him… lol…

p.p.s I NEED TO GO CUT HAIR SOON!!!! min!!!! xin!!!!!! i think i’m at an okay weight stage to go see Edward now =p =p =p

work and cars

just got back half hour ago from the f1 race

i stand by what i originally say/think, i.e. cars are for guys.
i know there a few exceptions, but mainly, cars are for guys.

and it’s such a guy thing to show off, if you know what i mean?
like… who stays in the office the longest.. who secures the most deals.. who gets drunk the most.. who has the best drunk story to tell.. who has the longest you-know-what..
and guys like to boast abt it. they really do.

anyway since it was my first time at f1 i really didn’t know what to expect. but it’s SUPER DUPER noisy. well… from our place, we couldn’t really see the cars zoom past, but we had a good view of the right side of the car leaving the pit to go onto the race track. 

i kept hearing this “telephone ring” sound. i really am curious as to what it is. shall go wiki “grand prix” when i’m more awake.

it was a good experience for me. but it just stops there. don’t think i’ll do it again. just no interest in cars!!! probably give up my ticket to someone who can really appreciate it. just good to experience it live. so grateful to I for the earplugs. phew!

it’s funny how they want to give clients a good time, but it’s always guy things like cars and beer. well… angmoh things maybe? i do have the asian flush, so beer is a nicht so gut Idee… i wonder if they will invite clients out for a shopping spree say, during the Great Singapore Sale? or buy tickets to watch musicals? or how many “nice dinners” can one have to realise it’s not all that special anyway.. it’s a funny industry huh…

i also kinda realise that corporate life is not all that glam as some ppl make it out to be. nonetheless it’s a new experience for me. why would one live life without experiencing new stuff anyway? =) 

so glad for the reed-making session! now i can only make half a reed, and as T puts it, ….
“Which half? Right or left? =.=”"”"”"”" “

=D

today i was floating!!!

i love the feeling. i want to play next to good players more!!

thankful for the opportunity.

*disgusted look*

OH MY GOSH

today i met a chikkopeh!!!!!!!

ok i went into this cab that i called right… and then i just sat in front. for various reasons.. one of which is the aircon is stronger in the front. and then we started talking. he asked if i had siblings, i found out that he had 3 children. that’s like ok normal talk right? then he said sth abt his children being accidents because he and his wife didn’t want to have kids, but they were in genting, and very relaxed and then they came. so anyway i found it weird that he wanted to tell me that.

and then he was saying sth abt how next time if i wanted to have kids must be very relaxed etc…

he also happened to ask if i know how to drive, and i said no, i want to learn but don’t have the finances for it. and then he offered to teach me in the future. so i said yah i’ll consider, actually i don’t want to lah but have to try to be nice right

so anw he dropped me at my destination. and i was looking for the money to pay him. and you know how it is when you open the door the light comes on? so yah as i was closing the door, i have to face it right? to push the door closed… and cos there was light, i saw THAT HIS COCK WAS HANGING OUT LAH. HOW GROSS IS THAT……………..

shit that was damn scary.

now i know why he kept on wanting to teach me in the future etc and why he kept turning to me and giving me that toothy grin. i thought he was just being overly friendly.

REMIND NOT TO SIT IN FRONT NEXT TIME. especially at night. YUCKS. damn gross damn gross.

luckily i didn’t get a good look at it. it was just a glimpse and immediately i wanted to run as far away as i can from him. when i got to the destination floor of the block i was at, i looked down and saw that he was still there. waiting. i guess he was trying to jerk it off before he leaves the area. YUCKS.

T commented that’s why his children were accidental. and probably his wife was accidental too. cos of the first accidental kid. 

ok i’ve ranted enough. no, wait, i should have told him that it was damn small and puny and he sucks. i have a receipt, which i will call COMFORT and tell them on monday (customer service only opens during office hours) about him. ok really enough of ranting.

and my friend’s colleague told her once that all guys watch porn. someone pls tell me this is not true. oh well.

i want to fly

ooooh today at D’s house was fun. i’m going to get my own reed making set and start sooooooon.

there’s a wild spirit that needs to be tamed or let out.

i feel as if i’m in a cage. the cage is pretty nice, but i need to get out still.

i can’t wait to leave Singapore. the longer i stay here the more i HATE this place. 23 years of moving in circles is enough. there’s nothing nice nothing new nothing to see. i don’t understand why all these people can come in here and say hmm the city is really nice yah the place has 3 bedrooms a pool and is only 10 minutes walk from the office.

while it used to take me 6 minutes to get to class. now it’s 18 times as long. go figure.

the cage is too small. my only escape is imagination.

oh btw dream travel tally:

U.S. (4 times) - 2xNewYork, 1xCalifonia and 2xUnidentifiedState; Dubai (1); Iraq (1); Switzerland (1); Italy (1); Japan (4) ——- total 12 times i’ve been out of the country in my dreams. i don’t need a passport anymore.

so tired

it takes a good rehearsal to make my week and a bad performance to just break it.

i’m not going to give up ok.

tmr i’m going to have my eyes checked. i was literally closing my eyes on stage cos i couldn’t take the glare. the words on my phone are starting to look blurry to me and i can’t see bus numbers very well.

good night world.

awesome speech

facebook is awesome. i got this off it. just gonna cut and paste wholesale =D thx to alexis for sharing it and for the feed for showing it to the whole world.

“Life and how to survive it” by Adrian Tan

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable. Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning. You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate. Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows. What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free. The most important is this: do not work. Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable. Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust. There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful. People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense. Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway. Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself. I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction - probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher. Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence. In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror. I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth.

I now say this to you: be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone. Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work - the only kind of work that I find palatable. Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul. Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone. You’re going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there’s no life expectancy.